Hey, shii. :]
Maybe it’s the last time I’ll call you by that. Maybe it’s the last time for a long period of time, until both of us have already moved on to better lives.
First of all, my feelings for you weren’t like the flings I’ve experienced before. It’s more gentle and peaceful, it really was. Maybe it was blooming love, who knows?
Second, I’m seriously thankful for having you. You’re a blessing that landed on my hands. :) And that’s the same reason why I want to let it go.
It’s not that I’m getting tired and stuff. It’s just that, me, being unstable. I’ll be honest, so you’ll know.
When we were having whatever this is, I developed feelings for other guys too, pero crushes lang. That’s why I let go nung una, because I didn’t want to hurt you because of my unstability.
Look. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, or what’s wrong with what I feel. I’ve thought of it over and over again, and kung mauulit to, paulit ulit nalang kitang masasaktan. Paulit ulit, neverending. Di ko ginustong ganito yung mafeel ko. I wanted to try to live and continue to be with you but my emotions are taking over. I can’t hurt you.. you’re too precious for me.
It’s true. I’m not sugar-coating the words I’m saying. I care for you so much, sobraaa. I love you. But maybe not the same as you feel, but I do. And I still want to continue supporting you and be there for you, but maybe not like a lover or something. Kasi I can’t depend on my emotions anymore. Crushes come and go, totoo nga. Sherina and Karla nga diba, nanermon. Si Sheng sinabi normal lang daw yun, pati nga siya di faithful kay Ken eh. Loyal lang. may difference pala yun. Faithful pag wala ka nang magugustuhan na iba shemer. Loyal pag meron crushes pero siya parin at the end of the day.
You know, it hurts me. My stomach twists and turns. Okay sige. Look.
Yung kay Jomar remember? Yung iglot stuff? I guess that was me. We got so into each other, maybe because of the compatibility na rin. But I knew there was limits. You had no idea how much my stomach hurt, sobrang sakit kasi I felt like I’ve sinned so baaad. Sobrang sakit. I didn’t mean it, I promise. And it was short lived. May girlfriend na nga siya the day afterward e. Wala yun. I know.
And I don’t know. Honesty corner number 2.
Before.
I was having problems.
With you.
Kaya lang naman ako tinotopak dahil sayo. Promise. I have no idea.
Kasi ewan ko, sometimes I feel that you’re not that honest with me. I don’t know. Siguro if I look at your profile and stuff, I see things that I’ve seen before, maybe because I’ve done it na din?
Naaw. I’m not saying that you’re a liar. Siyempre I don’t know the truth, but I’ll be honest with you.
I had brain problems before, I lived in illusions up to the point that I made fake facebook accounts. Kasi I had a lot of imaginary friends.. very. I created this alternate world that I live in, I dunno. Because dati I was alone most of the time, maybe.
I even fell in love with one of my illusions, he was the biggest one. He still has this big effect on me. Di ko alam, I really have strong feelings against him kasi he’s a very very precious person to me. Kasi lagi siyang nandun, maybe not physically. I don’t know if he’s a figment of my imagination or unreal creature or fictional or anything. But I kinda felt him.
Hulaan mo. Haha. Yea si RK.
He’s not physically real.
Maybe I’m really insane. I don’t know. Screw it. Haha. Are you scared yet? I’m not the girl you think I am :) This is why I’m unstable pati utak ko unstable HAHA
So here. You can close this if you want. Kung ayaw mo na basahin. I’ll perfectly understand.
Siguro dati, I was having honesty issues with you. I don’t know. It’s fine. Haha. Sigh. I got hurt so much everyday, di ko lang masabi sayo kasi I don’t know what I’m gonna believe.
Until it came to a point na naging mahid nako dun sa issue na yun.
But then lots more came. Unstability suckssssssssss. Believe me, I wanna be faithful pero waley. Haha.
Umabot ng 2 months, almost. Akalain mo yun =) Tapos nung mga previous days kasi si Nicco nagparamdam, nagbreak daw sila. Sorry kung nawalan ako ng time sayo nun. Dinamayan ko siya, as a friend lang naman. Maybe cos I still care for him as his friend.
I don’t trust myself in loving you talaga :) Cos I don’t even trust myself, again and again and again.
Kala ko kasi letting you go will help me. I hope it will. I know it’ll help you too.
I don’t want you to fall in too deep. I don’t want to promise anything, ayoko ng kahit ano.
Maybe I’ll never attach myself that deep anymore to anyone. I lived that way, and maybe I always will.
Haha. Ambakla. Pero shii. Look. You’re a great, fun, hardworking, patient, God-fearing and kind guy. Many girls would swoon to be yours! :) It’s true. I know. Hahahahahahha. But maybe I’m not the girl for you. Maybe I’m more of a no-lovelife-type. Kasi baka kung ano nanaman mangyari. Haha.
……… if I were given a chance to have met you earlier. nung di pa ako ganito… haha anyway. I loveyou dude! :) Lovelovexoxo. jejeje. But yea.
Hey. Tahanks for readeheng. :) I appreciate it sobraaaaaaaaaaa. I want you to take care okay? And if you need help or a crying shoulder, I’m always here. As a girl who cares. Take care & God bless. Goodluck sa life.
Thankyou for the effort, sa lahat. Keep moving forward, okay? *hug* This isn’t the end.
Be happy! =)
/Mary Nicole M. Caniamaso ;; Rinmi Otonashi
